Recently, there seems to be a pattern among the families that I have been working with as a therapist. The pattern starts by the child acting rude and disrespectful. The parent then gets offended and upset and eventually sends the child to their room. Afterwards, nothing is really talked about or resolved between the parent and the child related to the situation that occurred. After a while of following this pattern, kids stop liking being around their parents and the
Have you ever heard someone tell a new mother that if she keeps picking up her child when he is crying she is going to spoil him? Is it true? Is it possible that nurturing a child can go too far to the point that it becomes coddling? At what point can nurturing become coddling? To understand these questions, we must first understand what it is that children need. Do
In the updated Love and Logic Parenting Class – Parenting the Love and Logic Way, Jim and Charles Fay share the following observation, “Our heart breaks every time we see someone falling into the ‘consequence trap.’ Well-meaning parents become ensnared in this trap when they believe that the solution to all of their problems involves finding bigger or better consequences.” They go on to explain, “Freeing oneself involves understanding that loving relationships give consequences their power. Releasing oneself means continuing
I hear of parents whose knee-jerk reaction to almost anything that their child does wrong is to take away their child’s cell-phone. “It’s the only thing they care about”, parents will tell me. “It’s the only thing that makes them do the thing I ask them to do!” Whether the misbehavior is talking back, refusing to do chores, allowing grades to slip, or being mean to a sibling, these parents whip out their one skill (the cell phone take away)
Have you ever had your electricity shut off because you forgot to pay the power bill? As the payment date approached did you get a call from the power company reminding you about the due date and telling you what would happen if you didn’t pay the bill? Imagine the following phone conversation between Suzie from the power company and a customer – Mr. Jones: Suzie: Mr. Jones, I was looking at the calendar this morning and I saw that
A mother recently shared that she was trying to encourage her four children (ages five to eleven) to read by offering to give them a dollar for each book they read. It was working out great until the neighbor offered to pay them to pull his weeds. Because this neighbor liked her boys and wanted to be generous, he paid them each $10 an hour to pull weeds. This experience may not have seemed harmful at first, however, now when
So many kids today do not have a very good work ethic. They expect that good things should come to them without much effort on their part. Chores may be one of the greatest things that help kids learn how to make contributions that benefit others. Getting kids to do chores helps them build character and helps them be successful in life and in relationships. So how do we get kids to do chores? Is it possible to get them
There we were, at WalMart on a Saturday afternoon. Eliza and her brother Ezra each had two weeks of allowance and they were trying to stretch it as far as possible (which isn’t easy since they only had four dollars each). I was working on my skill of patience as each of them pointed out the things that they wanted only to find out that the item cost more than they had. At one point I tried to explain the
Do you ever feel torn between wanting your step-children to like you and knowing that you still need to have rules and discipline? Have you found that letting the biological parent handle all the discipline doesn’t work really well all the time. Help for Blended Families in Arizona Blended families are becoming more and more common in today’s world. Consequently, more kids are being raised partially by step-parents. If you don’t have a good idea of the role of a
As a father who works outside the home, I recognize that it is easy for me to get caught up in stress at work. Indeed, sometimes it is difficult to turn off my work focus and turn on my family focus so that I can come home and be the loving husband my wife needs and the playful father my kids want. Father’s have such an important and irreplaceable role in the family. Good fathers provide stability and strength to