Have you ever heard someone tell a new mother that if she keeps picking up her child when he is crying she is going to spoil him? Is it true? Is it possible that nurturing a child can go too far to the point that it becomes coddling? At what point can nurturing become coddling? To understand these questions, we must first understand what it is that children need. Do
In the updated Love and Logic Parenting Class – Parenting the Love and Logic Way, Jim and Charles Fay share the following observation, “Our heart breaks every time we see someone falling into the ‘consequence trap.’ Well-meaning parents become ensnared in this trap when they believe that the solution to all of their problems involves finding bigger or better consequences.” They go on to explain, “Freeing oneself involves understanding that loving relationships give consequences their power. Releasing oneself means continuing
I hear of parents whose knee-jerk reaction to almost anything that their child does wrong is to take away their child’s cell-phone. “It’s the only thing they care about”, parents will tell me. “It’s the only thing that makes them do the thing I ask them to do!” Whether the misbehavior is talking back, refusing to do chores, allowing grades to slip, or being mean to a sibling, these parents whip out their one skill (the cell phone take away)
Have you ever had your electricity shut off because you forgot to pay the power bill? As the payment date approached did you get a call from the power company reminding you about the due date and telling you what would happen if you didn’t pay the bill? Imagine the following phone conversation between Suzie from the power company and a customer – Mr. Jones: Suzie: Mr. Jones, I was looking at the calendar this morning and I saw that
Some kids are picky eaters. Unless it’s Mac ‘n’ Cheese, a dinner role, or plain cheese pizza, these kids can cry, whine, throw fits, or just simply refuse to eat the food on their plates. After a long day at work or taking care of children, the last thing a parent wants to do is to force their child to eat food that is good for them; not to mention the irritation a parent feels when a child refuses to
Have you ever told a child that they did such a good job coloring their picture and then hear the child respond saying, “No I didn’t. I messed up on his nose. I don’t like it.” Why is it some kids argue when their parents try to praise them rather than beam with joy? Well, sometimes, kids can feel insecure about themselves or develop a belief that they are not good at something or even that they are not good
A mother recently shared that she was trying to encourage her four children (ages five to eleven) to read by offering to give them a dollar for each book they read. It was working out great until the neighbor offered to pay them to pull his weeds. Because this neighbor liked her boys and wanted to be generous, he paid them each $10 an hour to pull weeds. This experience may not have seemed harmful at first, however, now when
So many kids today do not have a very good work ethic. They expect that good things should come to them without much effort on their part. Chores may be one of the greatest things that help kids learn how to make contributions that benefit others. Getting kids to do chores helps them build character and helps them be successful in life and in relationships. So how do we get kids to do chores? Is it possible to get them
Many parents complain about how their children leave stuff all over the house. Parents either feel like unpaid servants or like broken records constantly nagging their kids to clean up after themselves. Some parents say that it takes less energy to clean up after their children then to get their children to clean up after themselves. Other parents complain that their children don’t move to clean up until they start yelling – and they hate the fact that they yell.
A common hope as parents is that our kids will do well in high school, go to college, and get an education so that they can compete in the world in which they live. Although this hope is logical, sometimes we are not as logical when it comes to passing this hope on to our kids. Love and logic teaches that one of the most powerful teaching techniques for parents to use is modeling. We model the behaviors that we